11 SIGNS OF GASLIGHTING

Trimet’s HR Department excels at this. They protect the Bully against their victims and refuse to enforce their own in-house Policies.

What Is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a power tactic where one person uses manipulation as a way to control another person by making them question their grip on reality and truths. On paper, it’s easy for people to say that they’d never be susceptible to the seemingly obvious methodologies of gaslighting, but in reality, gaslighting is often done so subtlety, slowly, and methodically that the damage is often already done before the target figures out they’ve been victimized.

From politicians, world leaders, religious leaders, and corporate leaders, gaslighting is a tactic common among those in power positions, especially when the person is also a narcissist or sociopath. It’s also a common tactic employed by bullies to lower the independence and self-esteem of the victim. It’s a common theme in abusive relationships.

How To Know If You’re The Victim Of Gaslighting

Gaslighters frequently use these 11 manipulation techniques to achieve making you think you’re the one that’s crazy so that they can continue onward abusing you:

1. They Have Lies Of All Shapes And Colors

For most people, little white lies are an everyday occurrence. Your partner asks you if their makeup or tie looks good and you nod your head despite thinking it’s not so attractive. You do this to spare the person’s feelings, not harm them. In gaslighting, these small lies are malicious in intent and done to make the perpetrator, not others, feel better.

Gaslighters intentionally lie, and they do so boldly and brashly. They can lie with a straight face as they tell you something they know good and well you don’t believe. These lies are designed to set a precedent. Once they have told the lies, they know you’re not sure if anything they say is true. This is designed to throw you off kilter, make you wonder why, and slowly chip away at your guard and judgment.

2. Everyone Else Is A Liar

Anyone that disagrees with a gaslighter’s philosophy is an automatic liar. From that point on, those people’s thoughts have no validity or truth. What can’t be rationalized is explained away by the people simply being jealous or wanting to tear the two of you apart. This is to isolate you from the competing ideas of others and those in a position to help you. When you’ve abandoned competing relationships, the gaslighter is now free to disrespect and abuse you uninterrupted.

3. They Deny, Deny, Deny

You’ll find that gaslighters are equally audacious in their denials as they are their lies. They’ll say or do something and then turn around and flat out deny it ever occurred. They’ll make promises and then vehemently deny they ever even had the discussion with you. Even in the presence of proof, they’ll find a fallacy to fall back on our way to discredit the evidence.

Victims will find this irritating and frustrating at first. As it continues, though, victims will naturally begin to question their own perspective, judgment, and reality. Human nature is to recognize anything that becomes a pattern, and as the lies and denials continue, you’ll start to wonder if it’s you that’s wrong, misheard, or are just losing your mind. Ironically, the person’s word you once knew was so wrong becomes a replacement for your own reality. You begin to believe what they say as the truth.

4. Their Actions And Words Are Incongruent

When your partner is a gaslighter, their words and actions will never be congruent. This leaves you to constantly question their behaviors and motives. It’s a maze that you’ll never reach the end of, however. The more you try, the deeper you’re pulled in and the more lost you get. And, they’ll keep you trying with professions of love that are absolutely perplexing considering the actions they take that hurt you so much. Passive aggressive behavior is also common; it’s the beautiful apple filled with poison.

5. They Orchestrate Attacks On What Defines You As You

Gaslighters attack your family, parenting role, talents, goals, personality, and any of the other core elements that gives your existence meaning and purpose. Piece by piece, they’ll break you down by discounting anything that gives credit to your worth. This can be done by devaluing your core, such as by conning you into feeling that you’re worthless when it comes to the lives of your children.

It can also be devaluing how you view your core, such as that you’re overly obsessed, selfish, or negligent in it.

This cold and calculated method of breaking apart who you are as a person eventually creates a you without dignity, confidence, or self-preservation. Slowly, you’re becoming more and more unsure and unstable as a human being.

6. They’re Energy Leeches

Through potent, subtle, and routine application, gaslighting sucks all your energy away. It’s the lie here, the degrading remark there, the chip to your confidence today, and the crack in your perception tomorrow that all add up to you becoming too tired to fight the leech literally sucking the life out of you.

Before you know it, you’re left standing there questioning where and who you are, and the only person with answers is the very person that took them from you. You’re now primed to be refilled with the gaslighter’s version of the answers - brainwashed. Those already suffering from energy-draining depression and low self-esteem are easy and quick targets for gaslighting relationships.

7. They’re The Anti-villain

Gaslighters aren’t going to be the evil villain 24/7. Part of the plan to keep you second guessing everything is to also throw you a bone of kindness every so often. They’ll sprinkle random acts of love, kindness, and devotion in so that partners lose their balance from the times of meanness, humiliation, and cruelty. You may get praised for a wonderful meal only to minutes later be degraded because the laundry wasn’t folded to a precise specification.

Humans have a natural craving for stability. The end game is for their unpredictability to cause you to begin to question your ability to ever be fully right. You doubt your abilities and judgment, and then slowly you lose all faith in yourself. The gaslighter is then free to step in as the ultimate and final word of truth for you.

8. They Thrive In Your Confusion

For a gaslighter, confusion is a shotgun bullet. They’ll shoot it at you to leave your sense of placement and purpose riddled with holes. You’re vulnerable, weak. exposed, and emotionally bleeding. Then, the very person that shot you is the only one there to plug your holes. Bam, then you’re shot again and he/she is there again for you. It’s an endless cycle.

They’ve attacked your worth and value. They’ve caused mass confusion to your mental and physical placement. Now, you turn to bonding to mend your broken and overcompensating pieces. It’s the ideal time for the abusive partner to sweep in and turn their reality into yours. It ensures they are the ones you continually turn to for comfort and guidance so that the manipulation can continue onward in its cycle.

9. They’re Experts At Projection

It’s your fault, not their fault. You’re the one doing the evil deeds, not them. When your anger, discontent, or questions arise, they always have some outlandish excuse like you’re the one cheating, you’re the one doing drugs, or you’re the one that’s being crazy.

You’re so busy defending yourself that you don’t have time or energy to investigate what they’re doing. This not only gives them a projection for their own misdeeds, it’s also setting you up to be disbelieved by outsiders and hesitant to involve others. Plus, when something like “you’re crazy,” even when referenced with outlandish accusations like drug abuse, is stated on repeat, it leaves you to question if you are indeed really acting insane.

10. You Keep Quiet And Think It’s Your Own Idea

Just as the gaslighter has painted himself as the anti-villain, he/she is working to paint you as the true villain. It’s all about illusions and misdirection. They surround themselves with mock juries of ‘friends’ accepting of what they do and use those opinions to prop up their stories, condemn you as the bad guy, and cement your deteriorating sense of self.

Gaslighters are pros at using such social connections as tools to shame and quiet you. They may threaten to tell someone about your “craziness” and all the embarrassing accusations they’ve made on why it’s happening.

The end goal is isolation. You’re too anxious and fearful about the disgracing accusations to want help. You’re too confused as to how the entire situation became about you being crazy verses the crazy things they’re doing to you to even know you need help. The only source of comfort you’re left with is the very abuser causing the discomfort in the first place.

11. They Publicly Destroy Your Character

As you’re keeping quiet in your confusion and turmoil, your gaslighter is working to destroy your credibility publicly. Your image will be tarnished. You’ll be presented as someone incapable of making sound decisions. Your partner will come out smelling fresh as a daisy should you ever expose their gaslighting. No one will believe you, and you’ll be faced with yet again only one source of comfort in your isolation - your gaslighter.

***I have several boxes of documentation to back up these claims. 

OREGON UNION MEMBERS - HEADS UP

There's a contingent of Trimet ATU members who're anti Union - anti Kate Brown and anti women. This's about your representation and benefits. Do the right thing for yourself and your family! Knute Buehler's a big lying sack 'a Trump which the DOJ just proved!! -- me

Oregon DOJ declines to investigate Kate Brown's deal with Nike, unions.

Oregon Gov. Kate Brown holds a news conference Monday after the Legislature passed a small-business tax cut during a 2018 special session.  (Hillary Borrud | The Oregonian/OregonLive)

31shares

By Hillary Borrud

hborrud@oregonian.com

The Oregonian/OregonLive

The Oregon Department of Justice declined on Wednesday to open a criminal investigation into a complaint alleging that a ballot initiative agreement negotiated by Gov. Kate Brown, Nike and public employee union was illegal.

"Based on our review, we have concluded that a criminal investigation is not warranted in this matter," DOJ chief counsel Michael Slauson wrote in a letter to the Secretary of State's office.

"In reaching that conclusion, we note that there is no information that the proponents of (Initiative Petition 25) sought to qualify the petition for the ballot for an improper purpose or that any of the named individuals engaged in intimidation, blackmail or extortion," Slauson wrote.

Slauson referred the complaint, filed in late July by Portland resident Richard Leonetti, back to the Secretary of State's office to determine whether it should take civil or administrative action.

Leonetti's complaint focused on an apparent deal to keep the public employee union's so-called corporate transparency initiative off the November ballot. Initiative Petition 25 would have required large companies such as Nike to disclose their taxes and other sensitive business information in filings with the state, or pay a fine.

Complaint: Kate Brown's initiative deal with Nike, unions was illegal

The Oregon Department of Justice is reviewing a complaint that an agreement struck by Gov. Kate Brown, Nike and public employee unions in late June to keep an initiative off the ballot violated state elections law.

Brown's re-election campaign told OPB last month that the governor was meeting with corporate leaders and public employee unions in an attempt to keep Initiative Petition 25 and another initiative, now known as Measure 104, off the ballot. Backers of Measure 104, which would make it more difficult for the Legislature to trim tax breaks, went ahead and got it on the ballot.

After meeting with the governor and days before the signature-gathering deadline for initiative campaigns, Nike contributed $100,000 to a new political action committee called the Common Good Fund. It was created by Nike's senior director of government and public affairs Julia Brim-Edwards, who is also on the Portland Public Schools board.

A spokeswoman for the union-backed political nonprofit Our Oregon said days before the signature deadline that it had more than enough signatures to qualify, after spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on paid signature gatherers. They never turned them in, a decision union leaders said was based on the need to focus on defeating Measure 104 and another anti-tax initiative already on the ballot.

Leonetti's complaint named the governor, Brim-Edwards, AFSCME executive director Stacy Chamberlain and SEIU Local 503 president Steven Demarest. He asserted the arrangement reportedly brokered by Brown violated a prohibition in state law against paying to "sell, hinder or delay any part of an initiative, referendum or recall petition."

Christian Gaston, a spokesman for Brown's re-election campaign, wrote in an email: "This complaint was nothing more than an attempt to distract Oregonians from the truth: Governor Brown succeeded in bringing business and labor leaders together to have a reasonable discussion about a better way to move Oregon forward."

SEIU Local 503 did not respond to a request for comment.

The Justice Department has two ongoing investigations into other initiatives on the November ballot. It's investigating a complaint by Our Oregon that the signature-gathering firm for Measure 104 violated state election laws. Prosecutors are also investigating multiple complaints that signature gatherers for Measure 105, which would repeal Oregon's sanctuary law, engaged in deceptive practices. 

-- Hillary Borrud

hborrud@oregonian.com

503-294-4034; @hborrud

Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted, the indifference of those who should have known better, the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most, that has made it possible for evil to triumph.

— Haile Selassie, regent of Ethiopia (23 Jul 1892-1975)

HENRY BEASLEY WANTS TO BE PRESIDENT OF ATU 757

HAVEN'T VOTED YET? 

HERE'S REASON ENOUGH:

The outcome of this election will affect your wages, benefits, pension and working conditions for years - not just the length of the contract. 

Example:

Trimet Shows Pension Reform Possible

Henry Beasley

Running for President of ATU 757 - again... 

One of the most important aspects of electing a candidate is personal integrity. Personal and professional. Without it - you've got nothing! Should the adverse happen, the potential threat to the membership could be more then devastating in that it could compromise the elective by creating a vulnerability easily understood by the hierarchy - aka - Randy Stedman - the guy who's in charge of HR, Labor relations and negotiating ATU contracts. You wanna be certain your candidate has no smudges or worse on their record like DWI's. That they respect and treat ALL members equally. You wanna make sure those running for office are doing so solely for the membership - not personal gain. 

Having said that, here are some things you need to know.  If in doubt - click the links at the bottom of the page for screenshots of his behavior towards members during the last election.

I involved myself with calling concerns about Henry's plagiarism and misogynistic behavior to the attention of the members because there were so many contradictions. I posted screenshots as proof because, when confronted with the discrepancies he refused to comment. I even offered him space on this blog to respond. He refused. He was in contradiction of who he said he was. i.e.: Plagiarism - there were Union Blogs via Google in which Henry took their words, line by line, word for word as his own - then published them on his Blog. He plagiarized his campaign platform as well. When asked about it he refused to answer then personally attacked me for outing him,  as you can see by the screen shot below from his Facebook page. He not only refused to apologize to members back then but additionally now - in this new election cycle.  Had he, I'd have found other things to do on this beautiful day instead of sitting here writing this. If his behavior moves forward, unaddressed, should he be elected, hypothetically, he's putting Union resources at risk for legal actions.  

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This is liable. Red circle - lower left corner 561. The posting remained up a year or more. In order for it not to be liable he must be in possession of a statement from a psychiatrist confirming his diagnosis.  A liable lawsuit only has to be seen by one person. In this instance there were 561. You have 8 years to sue. When you put yourself at risk for a legal action that's one thing, but when you use your position or wanna be position against someone legally, such as President of ATU against someone who you don't agree with or you feel doesn't have the same First Amendment rights as you do - that's another problem. 

A few of the things I noticed about candidate Beasley was that he was adverse to conflict. If you asked him a question about his election plan or challenged something - like some of his conspiracy theories regarding other candidates he might get up and walk away - which is what he did to me on a Bus we were both taking back to the garage. He actually invalidated the question and me, assumably because I'm a woman and because he didn't have facts to prove the statements he made about the other candidate and Union attorney were true.

Additionally, as a candidate HE AND HIS WIFE SIGNED ONE OF CHRIS DAY'S 'PREFERRING OF CHARGES' (black ball) PETITIONS against then President Bruce Hansen. In my opinion, between Beasley and Day, they'd privatize Unions for their sole and complete benefit. It's a sad day when candidates feel the only way they can win an election is by filling blackball petitions against their competition.

He didn't understand. Does he still not?  

Click the links as proof of my charges against him. Warning: They're from the last election. Some are wordy. (sorry) They include screen shots of plagiarism, misogamy and his refusal to answer members questions. Again - to my knowledge he hasn't apologized for his role in that election, which means he carries it forward to this one yada yada yada...

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

EDUCATE YOURSELF! Don't vote for popularity - vote for time, experience, the ability to negotiate and the ability to live in solidarity. Candidates need to be transparent and accountable!! The outcome of this election will affect your wages, benefits, pension and working conditions for years - not just the length of the contract. 

EDUCATE YOURSELF

VOTE SMART

CHRIS DAY RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT OF ATU 757UPDATED

Chris Day

Last election he ran for Vice President. I actually endorsed him because I thought if he won, it would hopefully give him some perspective about the inner workings of Unions. It doesn't take a genius but some people need extra help. I thought maybe he'd finally understand what Unions do, how they Operate FOR the members, not AGAINST them. I thought perhaps a new title would perhaps keep him busy with Union business so he'd stop writing Operators up to Management, stop searching public arrest and DWUI records against us and stop filing Preferring of Charges aka blackballing members. Not so. I posted a screen shot below of one of his 'Preferring of Charges' from 2016. A public records search from ATU could possibly produce more.

I wasn't the only one he wrote up but I was the most frequent because I fought back. In my opinion, he has a propensity to 'fit in' with gossip instead walking away or asking for facts. 

He didn't win so now he's running again - this time for PRESIDENT of ATU.  That's fine, he can run - anyone can run,  but with his record of trying to control the lives of members he has personal grudges against by writing them up to HR and and filing 'preferring of charges' against them -  it's  conflictual with what Unions do. It's a contradiction.  Resolution has to be all inclusive whether you like the person or not whether you're an Officer or not. Solidarity over personalities. After all, this's our bread and butter not a bullshit fest! It's as though he's trying to use whatever clout he imagines he has to retaliate. 

I was one of (Chris and John Olsen's) first victims. Their friends and TM customers were reading the blogs and recognizing me in public and on the Buses. He and Olsen wrote me up repeatedly to HR accusing me of 14 separate infractions. I had to endure a constant stream of mandated meetings with management where I had no voice and had to fight reprimands. He even went so far as to write about me on his blog asking the public to vote against me as if they were part of the process. It made my life in the Bus all the more dangerous. If I so much as looked in their direction they ran to HR. He filed preferring of charges against me 4 times.  ATU sent me his first 3 efforts but finally 'got it' and threw the last one out.  I have 2 large boxes of evidence from not just the write ups to Management but documents supporting the fact that he felt the best way to deal with his 'problem with me' was by taking me through the Union Blackball process. It's not just spendy for the membership but degrading to Unions as a whole. People with integrity talk to each other - they don't go running off trying to get your co-workers and customers to take sides. We need more Unity and less division. My lawyer has possession of the boxes. We have until 2019 to file a liable suit. You can file within 8 years. All you need is one witness. Liable is anything 'in writing' as the signatures on the petitions below attest. Each signature will be deposed. 

When all of these write-ups started I had never met Chris Day or John Olsen. They just kinda appeared outta the woodwork. John Olsen got on my bus one night and refused to show fare. I didn't know who he was, he wasn't in uniform. He sat in the creep seat and called dispatch and demanded a Supervisor.  The next night I picked him up at Center Street. He was in uniform. No fuss no muss - he sat down. Everything they presumably knew about me was rumor, innuendo. Chris Day never once came up to me to put the rumors to rest. He talked to me in the bullpen from time to time after he was initially hired but never gave any indication that he knew who I was. The first write up was about an occurrence at Jubitz Truck Stop. One of the deli workers wrote a witness account for me. She attested to the fact that Mr. Day was with her - not John Olsen, when the conflict supposedly happened. Trimet refused to interview her. They also refused to pull camera footage from Jubitz as well as from the Buses on break. Two Operators waiting with their Buses wrote statements saying the actions they observed by Mr. Day and Mr. Olsen was inconsistent with what they told HR. Trimet refused to investigate. But what they did do, which is unheard of, is invite Day (before he was hired) into their private HR offices in the Administration Building and asked him to write up a complaint about me. In 1996 I sued Trimet in Federal District Court. They settled with me. They also spent the rest of my career retaliating against me for suing them. So they weren't gonna help me when these types of things went on. Instead they encouraged them.

Screenshots below are from co-workers who signed petitions to have me blackballed from ATU. It's also important to note that, with the exception of 3 of 'em,  these folks couldn't point me out in a room. Never met 'em - never talked with 'em. One night a Station Agent showed me their pictures on his computer so I'd know who they were.  Even 4 years later before I retired - Co-workers were still coming up to me introducing themselves and telling me that they too were solicited by Chris Day to sign the petitions to get me blackballed from our Union. They refused. He created a hostile work environment for me. HR refused to investigate. My Assistant Manager said she couldn't do anything about it then sent prayers to my e-mail. Highly inappropriate!!  Tom Sullivan, Nancy Kerr ATU members who never met or talked with me tried to BULLY me off the Facebook ATU Union Brothers and Sisters1 site, calling me names trying to take my voice away, trying to invalidate my existence.

Chris lied to Station Agent Fritz Benz who later apologized for signing it. He said he was busy at the time when Chris asked if he would "sign something for the Union". After talking with several members who signed the petitions I left realizing how much anger he has and how he uses it inappropriately. The people who's signatures you see below were asked to "sign something for the Union." They did - without reading it. 

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He posted the charges against me on each ATU 757 property's Union billboard around Oregon and Washington. 

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So I have a couple of stories I wanna share.  

1.) One night after arriving in the bullpen I saw Chris Day handing out copy's of something to  Operators returning from their shifts. I didn't get one, so I asked another Operator what it was. It had Training Supervisor Stewart Jolliffee's picture on it and information about a DWI he received. I previously saw it on Ranting's Blog. They were trying to smear him. I don't know why but a friend told me years ago that Day had searched Multnomah Country arrest records on me as well. If I were running for a Union Office, like one of the top three,  I'd expect someone to do that to me but not someone who just does it because of a personality conflict and then has the balls to stand at the door of their employer and hand these out like candy. Stewart was a personal friend. I knew him years before either of us started working for Trimet. I had much respect for him. It hurt to see someone do this to him - or to anyone else for that matter. I handed the paper to him next time I saw him. 

2.) The next one's about Leonard James. Leonard said he was driving to Clackamas Town Center. Chris Day was on his Bus as a passenger sitting in the back. Leonard made his turn which was, if memory serves me correctly, on a yellow turned red light. When he got to the Bus Stop one of his customers came up and gave him a bear hug which wasn't unusual if you knew Leonard. Leonard's customers loved him. Were always bringing him food or giving him a hug. A day or two later he was notified of a mandatory meeting with Management. The meeting was about the hug and the light. That meeting led to Leonard's choice to retire. He couldn't take the hatred any longer.

Chris Day is not Presidential material. Had he apologized I most probably would've considered it as a learning experience but he hasn't.  He's hasn't because, in my opinion he isn't transparent or accountable.


Make sure you VOTE, make sure you EDUCATE YOURSELF about those you choose to VOTE for!  Don't vote for popularity - vote for time, experience, the ability to negotiate and the ability to live in solidarity. And they need to be transparent and accountable!! The outcome of this election will affect your wages, benefits, pension and working conditions. 

Another Preferring of Charges? Actually there were several. Chris Day bragged about knowing how to get someone kicked out of our Union. He even filed them against our Union President.

There comes a time when someone's gotta put a stop to this crap. Blackballing Union members isn't what Unions are about!!  

*UPDATED

WOW - I keep finding these. What a sad state of affairs that this guy wants to be President of our Union and forgo due process.  

HEADS UP EVERYONE!!

Blackball box - from the old days. They used to vote you out using black marbles. It was all secretive back then, not like todays world where people sign petitions which are then published on the internet and can leave you open to liable lawsuits.